Dear Co-Operative Bank,

UPDATE: They Co-operative sent me a cheque for £50. They are awesome. Mistakes happen, but it is nice when they are dealt with at an adequate pace and when a proposed resolution exceeds your expectations.

You keep me on hold for hours then close the department I’m trying to contact without telling me?

Only when I gave up, phoned back and spoke to a human being did I find out that you’ve sent the people I need to talk to home. And all the while I was being told “you are moving up the queue” and “thank you for your patience.” Did you expect me to stay on the line until Tuesday morning?

You idiots! You fucking useless twats! Don’t you realise everyone can publicise these massive fuckups instantly these days? Buck you your ideas. If anybody is trying to maintain your image then please contact me and help me set up a bank account. It shouldn’t be this fucking complicated.

Yours faithfully,

An angry (ex-?) customer