If you want a vision of the future, imagine a knee-high, pink, sequin, latex boot stamping on a human face – forever.

Picture the Britain of the not-too-distant future, in which an omnipotent Pink Stasi mounts a 24/7 undercover surveillance operation on all straight pick-up joints, listening out for anybody who invites a member of the opposite gender to go back to their place for a coffee.

The man and the woman are trailed home by a squad of heavily armed Muscle Marys, who wait outside the premises for about half an hour, thereby allowing time for all necessary seduction preliminaries. And as soon as the bedroom light is switched on, a snatch squad hammers down the front door just as the hapless couple are about to make the beast with two backs. She is sent away with a warning, at least if this is her first offence. What about him? Best not ask.

Dystopia courtesy of Dave.