Deport me Nick Griffin: UPDATED

I have just taken the Life in the United Kingdom Citizenship test. This is a test which people must pass in order to become citizens, and is also mandatory for those who want to extend their visas. As they say themselves:


This practice test is presented in a format that closely resembles the Official Test. Whilst the questions that we have selected are not the actual test questions, you can use them to find out whether you are ready to take the actual test.

With a website replete with links to bookshops and official websites I think there may be an attempt at making the test look harder to sell more stuff, but I still think it is a fairly good meter by which to judge the citizenship test.

For the record, I have just graduated from a Good University with a Good degree in Modern History and Politics (In Politics mainly China’s Economy and in History specifically Immigration) and I feel I can confidently describe myself as culturally middle-class. I work in a call centre and I’m definitely white British, and three sixteenths welsh at that. I should be able to ace this test, or no one can.

Charlotte Gore has just asked “who’d be an immigrant?” Good question, despite all its flaws I still like living in Britain, so what sort of questions would a citizenship test throw at me?

Question 11

I get up to 11 fairly easily. It’s all stuff on 1980s migration and the Church of England (I later find that I got a couple of these wrong, but at the time I think I’m doing really well), but 11 is a hard one. I cannot work out how anyone is meant to know this without looking it up and learning it rote. But another thing strikes me, it is utterly irrelevant to whether I would make a good citizen or not.

Question 12

Oh dear, another question on demographics. I don’t honestly know the percentage, but I know it is fairly low, better plump for 1.6% (wrong, incidentally). I’m glad they stuck this one in, something for the Tabloids, but I can’t help thinking it is utterly irrelevant to whether I would make a good citizen or not.

Question 17

Voting rights are restricted to citizens of this country aren’t they? Well I guess it will be citizens of the UK Commonwealth and Ireland. How we like to pretend we still have an empire.  However, if I knew the answer to this I probably wouldn’t need to be taking this test so it is utterly irrelevant to whether I would make a good citizen or not.

Question 18

Oh dear, I was only there 4 years ago finishing my A levels, I should know this. But then again although this is pretty important stuff if you are running a school, it is utterly irrelevant to whether I would make a good citizen or not.

Question 20

This is in no way relevant to citizenship and it is very obscure. I know the answer, but only because I had to trawl through various volumes of Hansard for innumerate essays and mind numbing seminars. However, it is utterly irrelevant to living a happy and full life as a productive and active citizen in this country.

So this is not only hard but it is utterly irrelevant to whether I would make a good citizen or not.

Good Citizens, Bad Government

It appears that a “model” citizenship test contains 5 out of 24 questions that are utterly irrelevant to being a citizen. That’s 23% of the test. The other 67% is little better than rote learning and hoop jumping, little of what is included is of any use in telling if some one will be a “bad egg” or not.

This test is an exercise in vindictiveness. It is not designed to ensure people are good citizens, it is designed so the Government can appear to be “doing something.” The Libertarian part of me despises this, sometimes you just need to ignore calls for action. It can lead to you promising some very stupid things.

BBC News – Politics – British Jobs for British Workers

BBC News – Politics – Local homes for Local People

You promise to fix problems that don’t exist, hoping to attract voters with racist dog whistles. I am a citizen already, so one would assume I would be able to pass this test. After all, this is what “we” are requesting immigrants do before we allow them to become our compatriots.


Do not pass go, do not collect £200 go straight to a detention centre and then repatriate yourself to where you came from, which is Lincolnshire unfortunately…

UPDATE: Even my mum failed, with 14 out of 24. I made her take the test after she announced the sanity of testing immigrants. Her opinion has been reviewed since I sent her packing to Ghana.

8 thoughts on “Deport me Nick Griffin: UPDATED

  1. Wow that’s quite interesting, what an irrelevant bunch of questions! I wonder how easily Mr Nick Griffin would pass this test!

  2. I’d heard before some questions were pathetic, but this takes the piss! I mean, seriously, who came up with them…and more importantly, who said those questions were appropriate/relevant?

    There must have been seriously a group of arseholes sitting there thinking : “this is a good question to ask”, “this makes them good citizens”…

    Cliche, but it goes to show how detached the politicocrats are from the real world.

  3. It’s box ticking. They needed to be seen to be doing something about citizenship.

    A lot of the right wing press claim to have “no problem with immigrants that want to contribute” but they do. They want hoops for them to jump through. They want it petty.

    This test isn’t for out good, or for the migrant seeking citizenship. The test succeeds in what it was designed to do. Be petty and mean to sate the hunger of a vindictive significant minority.

  4. You did better than I did: I only got 13/24. This test is ridiculous. I’ve lived in England all my life and I have to say you would never use any of that rubbish in day to day life.

  5. I got 12 out of 24 age 69 lived in Uk 69 years.
    I f they deport me it will not matter as I am sure when I reach Pakistan, Spain or the West Indies that I will be pointed to where I get the Money as soon as I dock

  6. I’ve lived all my life in England, had grammar school & university education, & keep up with all kinds of interests, but I still failed with 16 out of 24.

    This test reminds me of Trivial Pursuit – it’s certainly nothing to do with citizenship. Why should anyone know these obscure things by heart?

    It’s just a way of making life that bit harder for people who are already suffering :(

    1. I hadn’t realised but you are right. It’s pretty much Trivial Pursuit, but without the history or art or literature!

      Unfortunately a small cottage industry has been built on the idea that if we make being an immigrant anything but really really shitty we will encourage a “flood” of applicants… oh well

  7. I managed a stunning 13 out of 24. My favourite question was whether education was free except for clothes and other items! Did the whole education system spring up through the love of our god lord or was it somehow paid for!

    I agree with the author though that most of these questions have no bearing whatsoever on whether or not the person being tested will be a good citizen. I suspect it’s a reaction to the cry that “something must be done”

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